Cheating Death – God Has Plans for You – Jeremiah, Psalms – Inspirational Bible Verses

I opened the chamber, loaded the gun with bullets, cocked the hammer back, put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger.

There is nothing worse in life than when you have lost all hope. When you lose all hope, you are left feeling destitute and alone – without God. I have been there, on the edge, not caring about my soul. Not caring about where I would spend eternity. Not caring about what would happen in the end -just wanting it to end.

I found myself alone in desolate, barren fields of self-doubt, breathing the bitter dust of disappointment and confusion etched in the dry cracked earth of my life’s tragedy and pain. It is a place I know all too well. Perhaps you know the place, I pray you don’t.

I have known good times and I have known bad times. The good times are good but the really bad times are deep, dark, painful and hopefully never to be seen again in my life. It was the 1990s, I was addicted to methamphetamines. It is another story how I got there, but nevertheless I was there. The grip of a drug addiction is strong and deep. I believe that drugs open a portal to allow demonic oppression to beset you, allowing satan to attempt to steal your soul.

There are many things in life that can steal our hope and leave us shattered and broken. As we abandon God and struggle with our pain alone, the enemy tightens his grip as without reliance on God we are helpless and vulnerable.

Pick a word, any word – they all are all the same when you are there. And they compound one on top of the other to take whatever is left of your hope away.

Estranged          Forsaken             Abandoned            Lost            Forgotten         Uncared-for            Exiled             Alone              Tired                     Stressed           Wretched          Unhappy            Despair             Hopeless        Fear

These feelings will lead to many disasters in life; loss of marriage, loss of family, loss of social standing, and in extreme cases, as I found myself in, even loss of life.

I opened the chamber, loaded the gun with bullets, cocked the hammer back, put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger. The gun didn’t fire. I pulled the trigger over and over again – it wouldn’t fire. In a rage, I emptied the rounds from the chamber, grabbed fresh bullets from the box, loaded the gun and repeated the previous scene again. The gun would not fire.

I am still here. I shouldn’t be.  With demons dancing round my head, God had His angels standing guard over me, preserving my soul.

High on drugs, up for 4 days, and with my mind ravaged by the effects of two years of drug abuse, I took a pair of pliers and began pulling the bullets apart trying to see why they wouldn’t fire. I couldn’t understand it.

I don’t remember passing out. At the beginning of the whole event that night, I had taken 12 NyQuil and chased them down with all the liquor I could find in the house. I awoke two days later.

Satan tried to take me to the pit as I abandoned God. I stood at death’s door and with all my might tried to force my way in – but my God stood in the way, holding the door shut. Very shortly afterwards I returned to God, abandoned my drug use and allowed God to open a new chapter in my life, again another story.  Months later I would shoot the gun after gaining the courage to hold it again, load it and pull the trigger at a target on the fence. This time it fired, over and over again. I can’t explain why that night in October it would not fire. Was I so high that I forgot to release the safety, or did God supernaturally stop the gun from firing? From where I stand now it really doesn’t matter.  All I know is that God was my rescue, my hope in my time of need.

Jeremiah 30:17 I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord.

There are times in life when we feel so tired, worn and stressed out, that we think we are done. We think we cannot even take one more step. We abandon all hope. We simply give up. That is what happened to me. It is when our life is in crisis, when our circumstances have drained all our strength from us; it is then we need to hope and wait upon the Lord. God wants to give us a new life, He wants to bring us a new tomorrow, and He wants to renew our strength. He wants us to have life, and live it in abundance. God intends a wonderful life for us.

Psalm 147:3 God heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds

Life will leave us crushed and broken, but Jesus is the Great Physician, He heals the broken in heart. He heals us by his blood, curing us when we cannot cure ourselves. He heals us by the application of His sacrifice on Calvary, applying pardoning mercy and grace, streaming through his blood.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

We have all had times where we thought we were in God’s will only to find things coming apart on the broken wings of good intentions. Many times in life our hopes are dashed, promises broken and our way seems lost. That is exactly the place for God to come to our rescue.  It is in realizing that we are but humble pilgrims lost without God’s direction that we can find our way.

As we journey through life, we will get beaten up- we will get hurt and bruised along the way. Scarred memories mark our journey like markers on a highway.  There are times of joy and bliss that we savor, but sometimes it seems that they get lost in our journey, and abandon all hope. We wonder if tomorrow will bring; a better life; a better situation; a more prosperous job; or a happy marriage. It is only in God that we can find the hope for our future. If we put our hope in God, there will be no tragic ending to our lives.

God knows what His will is for our lives, he has declared it, and it is set in stone. God says to you, “I know what plans I have for you. Gods says, I have success for you, I will make a way for you, I have a job for you, I made you, I formed you, I breathed life into you and I redeemed you. I promise you that God has a plan for you. We have a hunger pang inside of us to have a happy life, and to find comfort and joy in our home and in our relationships. God has a plan to make that happen in our lives.

Realizing God’s plan for hope and a new future will lead you where you have never been before. You may be walking where you have never been before in new path blazing through the problems that you face in front of you, as God destroys the enemy that is behind you. So go ahead and move forward in life knowing confidently that God has it all planned out for you if you will but trust Him. Follow God’s plan for your life, and trust His unfailing, forgiving love. In His plan, every pain, hurt, wound, and disappointment that you have experienced will find peace. If you will but trust His plan for your life, you will find the sense of wholeness and completion that you long for.

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Categories: Bible, Cross, future, God, Grace, Hope, Jesus, Renewed Strength, Suicide, Troubles

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23 replies

  1. Awesome testimony. Thanks for sharing it.

  2. Great testimony Darrell, I can understand in part as I have been there. The emotional anguish is excruciating, worse then physical pain.
    Very glad God had plans for you Bro.

    May I post this in its entirety on BGT as a testimony?
    Blessings
    Greg

  3. i would always like to be in touch with you i feel i have found my true help plz find time for me God bless

  4. That’s a very heavy testimony, Darrell. I’m sure you know “there are millions of “Walking Wounded” in our world” and if it were possible to do an instant count of 7,000,000,000 human beings, I’m guessing at least seven out of every ten have a similar testimony in one form or another.

    I attempted suicide more than five times after I was fifteen . . . but the “knowledge of God” wouldn’t let me “finish what I planned to do!” I was Saved at twelve years of age so the problem was: I knew too much about Him and as the Psalmist said: “The FEAR of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Yep, I FEARED Him and the UNKNOWN eternal “results” if I took my own life.

    Utter desperation and emotional agony drove me down that road of no return plus the PAIN in every area of my life doing an incredible job trying to “push me over the edge” so that I would WILLINGLY DO the “unthinkable.”

    The Price He paid for my soul was too great . . . I’m still here.

  5. Felt like this recently….just so tired of everything but after reading your testimony I believe God
    has plans for me and will have the faith to carry on. thanks so much Pastor.

    • I just saw your comment Linda… We all get tired, but He is able to renew us fresh every morning. Sometimes I have to ask for daily refreshment from God to carry forward. You will be in my prayers..Thanks Darrell

  6. Darryl….First, I was encouraged by my friend, Greg, from “Believing God Today” to read your blog. After reading your Bio, I got goosebumps! Your testimony is very similar to mine. I’m so thankful that our God will answer when we scream to Him! I’m forever grateful and my life has changed from it. It’s encouraging to see another brother share “Hope” and “Empowerment” from God for other hurting people. Keep doing what your doing and I’ll share to others about your vision.

    Mark

  7. Darrell,

    THIS IS why those bullets didn’t fire. There is such power in your words and testimony and without having been through those things which made you despair so, that purpose you speak of would not have come to pass. I thank God for his act of mercy upon your life, for His grace and love for your soul. You are special indeed! And I feel privileged to have been able to read your words.

    Bless you for your willingness to make yourself publicly vulnerable. Jesus was like that. You are in great company.

    Mercedes

  8. As I read your story tears fall. I cannot explain other than to say, My Son is currently in jail.I received a returned card from the jail he is in because it had one – too many family photos. I guess this is where the tears start.He has struggled as you with similar demons and he often has said – “I do not know how or why I am still alive, I really should not be” – His father and I have turned him over to God many years ago. But not to say we do not pray daily for him to be covered by the healing blood of Jesus. Just as he was turning away from all the badness in his past – Working well in his profession – and making a difference with those around him – One wrong decision to drive a company truck down the road for work – Cost him – Driving on a suspended license – 60 days in Jail . The first time I was not able to have all my children with me on Christmas. 20 more days to go. He had broken his bondage of addiction but the devil would not have it. He is trying to defeat him again in mind and spirit. please pray for him today, and each that passes ……That he will continue on the right path, continue to seek God’s Word , and above all surround himself with beleivers in christ. For I do believe the scripture Jeremiah 29:11.

  9. I will keep him in my prayers. Grace with give you both the strength to ensure. Being in jail is not a good place to be but better 60 days in jail with God than 60 days out of jail without him. I will lift him up before the Lord, Thank you so much for sharing, in Christ- Darrell

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