Husbands… Do You Have a Love Language?

It has been quoted by an author unknown that there are three rings of marriage. There is the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. But this is not what God intended for marriage.

Earnest Havaman writes, the central truth is that the tide of happiness in any marriage ebbs and flows. The marriage is ecstatically happy at times, excruciatingly painful at others, a mixture of good and bad in between. . . . Even the best marriage has its periods of desperation.

Marriage is the union of two flawed individuals who each have their own baggage that they bring into the union of marriage and together they learn to pack their bags together.

We as men are made by God to guard and protect our wife. We should always speak well of her and uplift her in public as well as private, praising her as the gift of God in our lives.

We read in the 7th chapter of the Song of Solomon that Shulamite was the object of Solomon’s desire. She was special, noble, and perfect in his eyes. This example is also given in 1 Peter 3:7 as we are told by God to honor our wife and lift her up. We read in Song of Solomon 7:6

How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
my love, with your delights!

The example given here is an example of the love that God wishes for each man to have for his wife. Men, your wife is God’s gift to you. Men are to love their wife publicly, personally and physically. In the 7th chapter we read where Solomon was enamored with his love’s feet, thighs, hair, navel, waist, breasts, back, eyes, nose, head and hair. Needless to say, he was smitten. Husbands realize that your wife’s body is a gift from God you.

Gary Smalley writes in his book, “The Language of Love”, that husbands need to use word pictures, and not just words to express love to their wife. Women are emotional creatures and have the need and desire to experience the words we men say, not just hear them.

Many of us men primarily relate to their wives using what we call a language of the head while women tend to speak a language of the heart. Typically, men tend to be logical, factual, and detail-oriented. On the other hand, women love to share thoughts, feelings, goals, and dreams. As a result of these two differences, many women fail to keep in mind that their husbands genuinely may not see or understand the concerns that they’re sharing. In many cases, they simply don’t speak the same language!

Word pictures, no doubt, are a powerful way to take our words right to other people’s hearts. But also, word pictures can help others to INSTANTLY understand you. Let us illustrate this instantaneous understanding. If I wanted to express how much I valued my wife, I could say, “I really think that you’re great!” That’s not bad but it really doesn’t convey how valuable that she is. But, what if I said, “You are so valuable to me—you remind me of the world’s largest diamond.” This statement allows my wife to understand via her language of love the deep sense of the value of her husband’s love. This in turn allows her to see and picture in her mind exactly how much she means to me.

The language of love is expressed in word pictures in the examples below.

A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.  ~African Proverb

The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it.  You and you alone make me feel that I am alive.  Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.  ~George Moore

As I was researching this thought, Dr. Jeremiah reminded me through his broadcast, “The Romantic Husband”, that the greatest “word pictures” used the language of love were probably written by Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet. As I read the passage I started to use a modern translation of the play in this piece, but the words just didn’t sound right. When I copied the first line; But soft! What light through yonder window breaks, into  But wait, what’s that light in the window over there….all I could hear is Jeff Foxworthy saying those words in a redneck Romeo and Juliet. So here it is in its original form.

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief,

That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she. Be not her maid since she is envious.

Her vestal livery is but sick and green, And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!

It is my lady. Oh, it is my love. Oh, that she knew she were!

She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that? Her eye discourses. I will answer it.

I am too bold. ‘Tis not to me she speaks. Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,

Having some business, do entreat her eyes. To twinkle in their spheres till they return.

What if her eyes were there, they in her head? The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars as daylight doth a lamp. Her eye in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright

That birds would sing and think it were not night. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.

Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!

The words above are an example of word pictures in its greatest form, of a man expressing his love in descriptions that are easy for a woman to understand.

Lastly we as husbands need to realize that our bodies have a different value once we are married. Our bodies once we are married are given over to our wife in love, giving it a new tremendous value. We should treasure and protect that value by never giving ourselves to anyone else, as the value of our body belongs to our wife. As we treasure our wife and honor her with our actions and our body, she will realize that she is the object of our desire, giving her security and comfort.

Together a husband and wife should become in marriage more like Jesus Christ. A husband and wife should see in each other, one another’s faults and weaknesses and before God stand in the gap praying and seeking God for their spouse. A husband and wife are partners united as one in Christ Jesus. Men,  hopefully your wife is much the better as you support her in prayer and together you form a bond that solidifies one another in Christ.

Marriage is not only for our happiness, but our holiness. Husbands we need to make it our goal for our marriage not only to be happy, but holy before Christ united together for His purpose. We as husbands need to find ourselves on our knees ever day thanking God for our spouse, while showing her with love and affection that she is the object of our desire.

In her thoughts and in her life, may your wife be able to speak the same of you as the wife of Solomon spoke of him as she realized his love for her in Song of Solomon 7:10

I belong to my beloved,
and his desire is for me.

Categories: Friends, God, Humility, Love, Marriage, Service

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

3 replies

  1. Great Post! When we contemplate loving, caring and serving, we need to look first to our wives – our primary ministry. This then aligns us for holiness as the school of love is in it’s most intensive session – our marriage.


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